friendly and overall such that it gave me hope for anything. Her main complaint about my letter was that at the end I asked her to ask for my death, but she didn't want us to destroy it. She had written me a letter on Monday asking for 14 days to think about it, but she didn't want to show it to me. ( 250 ) I couldn't get her to kiss me or say "You", but I think she would have sat on my lap if she had had the time and not been embarrassed.

By the way, we spoke to each other very seriously and in a Christian way, and agreed to pray very diligently that, if it was God's will, he would give her this conviction and give her the old love. The past, Bertha said, was like a dream to her. My news that Pastor Kavel said that he had never considered our relationship to be God's will more than now, that he wanted to write to Fiedler about me and that we were both reunited in a brotherly manner, seemed to have contributed not a little to this turn of events, which was almost unexpected to me. When Bertha asked why God had brought about this disturbance, I answered my heart's conviction in order to draw us, especially myself, back to himself and unite with my fellow believers. It seemed to me that she approved of this.

I spent a large part of the afternoon with Fritz Kavel. As I was walking through the house, I unexpectedly saw Bertha again. I showed her the poem: “Männertreu”(203), which she found quite nice, but wanted to keep for another time. It didn't happen that I wrote something on the paper to her, and so it stayed there. We parted amicably, but not as lovers; it hurt;

You alone, faithful God and Father! You will certainly change the situation soon, I hope so to you. Do it soon. Amen.

( 251 ) February 29th, 1840.
Bertha, through her sister Mathilde, sent me some stockings and nine pounds of money from her father instead of bringing it herself.

March 1st, 1840. Sunday.
Driven by restlessness, I went back to Klemzig. Bertha offered me a cup of coffee while Julius Fiedler and Ferdinand Kavel were there, but then walked away so that I couldn't say a word to her. I spoke to Mathilde several times and asked her what first and actually motivated Bertha to turn away from me? She didn't want to say it; Bertha also said that she couldn't tell me, she would rather write it to me; Therefore I asked Mathilde to let me know by letter as soon as possible. Mr. Fiedler, whom I spoke to shortly before leaving, said that he couldn't do anything about the matter; he advised me to write to her every now and then and, by the way, to entrust the matter to God. My suffering is very close to him, he even said that some people wouldn't blame him very much if he held a grudge against the girl; I told him not to do that, to which he replied that he was also praying against it.

Oh God, everything is possible for you, show that here!