Around 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon I had a visit from Mr. Fiedler, my heart beat violently when I saw him, believing that there was a special reason for this visit to him, but he didn't mention or reveal anything in his entire demeanor from which I could have concluded that he knew about the correspondence between me and Bertha. If I had Bertha's permission, I would have revealed to him my wishes regarding

Kago obsecro te, o Deus meus!
Da mihi, quod peto, quod ardentissime desidero, da mihi
eor virginis istius, quam aestimo amoque; et dabo tibi eor
meum totum cum omnibus desideriis et facultatibus!

[I implore you, o my Lord!
Give me what I thirst for, what I desire most, give me the heart
of that Virgin whom I value and love; and I will give you my
whole heart with all my desires and abilities!]

In conversation with the Governor, he told me that he had received my letter, adding that it had given him great pleasure to give me the assistance already mentioned and that he felt fully encouraged to do so.

( 109 ) I replied that I hoped that at the same time the welfare of the natives would be promoted thereby; to which he replied that he had all confidence in me. The money, he quickly added, would be for me exclusively and not for general purposes. My answer: "That's how I would have understood the letter." He then said that he knew that I had been very generous towards the natives, leaving me to conclude that he had thought that I would also think I had to use this money for the same purpose.

O Lord, give us for a long time these philanthropic and blessd Head of our affairs in these settlement.

In the battle I had with myself this evening, I was defeated, to my great sadness.

Give me strength for the future, O Lord, my God and Savior.

August 23rd, 1839.
I got my £20 from the Treasury; Gilles(133) asked, quite strangely, "what for"?

In the evening I wrote my second letter to Bertha Teusler.

August 24th, 1839. Saturday.
It rained heavily all day, so my plan to go to Klemzig(134) came to nothing, so I dared to send the letter with my laundress, Maid Seeländer.