O God grant that my anxiety may be wrong; but Bertha, Bertha! How could you change so quickly, put our connection on an uncertain either-or, which you also believe will work against us? Tell me, on what have you based your love for me so far, and what could tear down that foundation so quickly. Oh, how you have made me so deeply saddened, so heartily sad; come back and give me your heart again, then my heart will be happy again.

God, my Father, do not allow my own life, my only joy and the feast of my eyes, to be taken from me; do not allow my dear bride to be torn away from me. Amen.

( 230 ) During my absence Muleakaibekka had speared and beaten his wife, it is not known for what reason, perhaps because she had denied him the food he had asked for. She was hit in the side of the back and suffers so much from the wound that she cannot walk.

February 1st, 1840.
Overwhelmed by the impression from the day before yesterday, I immediately became a little unwell, but today I became so unwell that I could only with difficulty be up at short intervals; In addition to this external suffering, there was now the new suffering that was gnawing at my soul, so that I was very worried. I called out to the Lord, but he would not hear me yet.

February 2nd, 1840. Sunday.
That evening, as I thought clearly about the incident, I became extremely frightened. I picked up the Bible and read what came to mind and found great reassurance in David's words

“How sad you are, my soul! and you are so restless within me”.

February 4th, 1840.
Still doubtful, but hoping to shake off my secret sorrow, I went to Klemzig today. Bertha was busy with her laundry and seemed to avoid me more than to look for me, so that I had to sit alone most of the afternoon. When Bertha finally came in toward evening, oh how the distress in my heart increased! She didn't want to give me a kiss ( 231 ), she explained to me that she had little hope that we would still have each other, and if it weren't for the assurances of love and loyalty that I reminded her of, she would have already made up her mind, namely, to give me up. Almost displeased and yet also half doubting the seriousness of this declaration, even though she always claimed that she spoke from the heart, I remained more self-conscious than I would have expected of myself.

I told to her father what had happened, namely that I had lost Bertha. At first he didn't want to believe it, but when I said her words he understood and said that the girl had already caused him so much grief, sighing deeply. But he added to console